What to Do Instead of Yelling at Kids
“Andy! How many times will I tell you to stay inside when it’s raining? You are going to catch a cold!” How many times do your neighbors hear you yelling at kids? When asked, most parents will admit that they raised their voice because something pushed them to the edge.
In This Article
A study conducted by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that close to 90 percent of participants admitted to exercising their vocal cords with their kids the previous year. Further, parents with kids aged seven and above admitted to yelling almost 100 percent of the time.
Parents yell because they get pulled in several different directions. And this makes them feel frustrated. They see their children doing something that they don’t approve and they kind of let loose. It is a natural response.
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Is Yelling at Your Toddler Bad?
According to all these research studies, we can conclude that parents yell to discipline their children. However, it’s not the most effective method. Not only are you teaching your child that yelling is an effective conflict resolution strategy but you are also making things worse.
Studies have shown that harsh verbal discipline does not solve problem behaviors in children. And it can make them more likely to do whatever it is you are against. Remember, children have sensitive nervous systems. And yelling is quite scary to them. So what can you do instead?
Know Your Triggers
You don’t just yell out of the blue. It’s usually a natural response to specific behaviors. In short, it is triggered by something. If you discover the things that make you boil inside, you’ll greatly increase your chances of avoiding them. Figure out your triggers because they vary. Self-awareness will help you make informed choices.
Warn Your Kids
Should I yell at my toddler when they are fighting in the car or stalling bedtime? You need to warn them first. Let them know that their behaviors are pushing you and you don’t want to yell to get their attention. A sober warning is enough for children to change their behavior. Warnings also allow children to prepare for a mental transition.
Know When It’s About You
Yelling is usually about your child misbehaving. However, it can be a manifestation of your unmet needs and desires. By simply staying calm, most parents can avoid taking it out on their children and feeling guilty. If you’ve been yelling for the past one week, sit down and think of the things disturbing you. It could be stressful conditions at work, financial issues, or even lack of enough sleep. If you are studying and working, you can consider using dissertation writing services to save time and money. Once you solve your problems, dealing with your child’s problems will be easy.
Take some time out
Child development specialists recommend an effective calm-down strategy to parents – visit the bathroom and yell into the toilet. And then flush it away. It’s equivalent to taking time out and having an effective strategy to compose yourself. This could be kicking a ball or sending someone else to deal with the situation. If you are committed to changing your behavior, you need to take a break to practice self-control. It will pay in spades in the long run.
Teach the Lesson Later
You don’t need to shout to communicate. Shouting undermines your legitimate concerns. And encourages your child to shut down instead of listening to you. It can be hard to suppress all the pent-up energy inside. However, exercising self-control will deliver a strong message that will yield better results. The teaching method is much more effective when you are calm.
Figure out What’s Normal Behavior
As a parent, you need to realize that your child’s behavior such as whining, sibling rivalry, and bedtime aversions are normal for their age. Understanding this will make your actions less personal. You’ll cope with the behaviors instead of the same tactics driving you crazy. Most parents yell because they want their kids to behave differently. If you do away with this, you’ll only have to deal with the situation at hand.
Have Realistic Expectations
When it comes to children, keeping realistic expectations is essential. One of the reasons parents yell is because their high hopes for an event or outing don’t meet the reality. Your child can become defiant and refuse to budge in the middle of the street. This can make you feel like a failure. However, you need to adjust your expectations. Plan for a shorter ride or drive and issue one command at a time.
When You Should Yell
Besides the situations that we’ve discussed, you should yell out of excitement or happiness to cheer your kids or get their attention when they are in danger. For instance, you can yell when your child is not stopping before crossing the road. Yelling is effective only in such scenarios. When used continuously, it cannot work.
Now, You Know How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Your child is a gift from nature. You are responsible for him or her for a set period. Don’t misuse your power. When you reflect and start controlling yourself, life will be easy not only for you but also for your kid. Take charge of your life and your child will be your best friend.
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